What is mediation? 

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Most state courts require mediation, but what is it and how is it different from other terms you will read about or hear from your attorney?

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Mediation is a moderated conversation between two parties to reach an agreement without the help of a judge, and often away from the presence of attorneys (either by choice not to hire one  or temporarily exclusion of the attorney's input during the meeting).  It does not require signatures at the end of the mediation session that you are agreeing to -- you can go home, talk to your attorney afterwards, sleep on it, come back to mediation for additional negotiations or changes of heart/mind.  You don't commit to anything on the spot. Mediation is often mandatory in the divorce and coparenting process, so you can do just one, introductory mediation session to meet the minimum requirement, or you can return for several or ongoing sessions if you and the other party (former spouse or coparent) agree that it is helpful! Mediation is not court, and no one is telling you what to do... you are collaborating with the help of a third party, deescalating issues and finding common ground. ​

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What's the difference between mediation, collaborative divorce, arbitration, and litigation? 

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Mediation is a confidential, voluntary process where a neutral third party helps disputing parties reach a mutually acceptable agreement, focusing on collaboration and speed.

 

Conversely, litigation is an adversarial, public court process where a judge imposes a binding decision, typically costing more and taking longer. Litigation is the "fight"... it's what everyone thinks of with high-stress, high-cost divorce and coparenting. Parties can't agree and speak to each other through their attorneys, wait for a judge to decide all outcomes after a series of hearings and a trial. This option is the most expensive, and it results in a loss of control for both parties because the court system intervenes and makes decisions.

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Mediation and arbitration are both confidential, faster, and cheaper alternatives to court. Mediation is a voluntary, collaborative, and non-binding process where a neutral third party helps parties reach their own agreement. Arbitration is more formal and adversarial, where an arbitrator renders a final, binding decision. An arbitrator would spend significantly more time with you than a judge, discussing and talking through the issues, like a mediator. But after this process, it is the arbitrator, not you and your other party, that makes the final decisions.

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Collaborative divorce involves attorneys who work together. In mediation, a single, neutral mediator facilitates discussion between the spouses but cannot give legal advice or advocate for either side. In collaborative divorce, each spouse has their own attorney during negotiations to provide legal advice and advocate for their interests.